Todrick Hall: Quarantine Queen (Album Review)

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Credit: Todrick Hall

Like anybody with good taste, we love a ourselves a bit of Toddy so as ya’ll can imagine we were gagged when we saw the announcement of a surprise album (cut to us screaming YAAAAS in our bedrooms). Before we even get into a review of the 6 quarantine themed tracks, let’s just talk for a hot sec about that album cover. From the pink gloves to the rhinestone mask and fully extra level of accessorising we are living for this picture of beauty on a holla-graphiq background – isolation ain’t stopping this queen from being 100% stun.


Mas(k)ot

When you open the album with a throwback to the iconic Bootylicious you know you’re onto a winner. Immediately after a quick intro, we’re getting vocals from the stunning and fabulous Jerry Harris (ya’ll known him from the Cheer show), encouraging Toddy to dance, we live. With an immediate cheerleader vibe for obvious reasons, this is giving us slay at home realness. “And we ain’t breaking up cos you’re stuck and you can’t leave, but you can be my prom queen. I think a love with a mask hot, you can be my mas(k)ot” is a total mood for anyone quarantined with their boo. Be fabulous together, damn it.

If this doesn’t immediately make you wanna dance and throw on your best in-house fashion, we don’t know what will tbh.

Werk out

The title says it all, this is definitely an anthem for getting you up on your feet and serving werk out realness. Questioning “what would Beyoncé do?”, the answer is very clearly that she would keep pushing through, so put on your fitness gloves and turn up the damn radio! We’ve got ourselves a real shot of encouragement here to stay active either indoors or in the garden and to quote the Quarantine Queen herself: “If Miss Quarantina thought she was gonna stop this fitness train, she got another thing coming.” If this doesn’t become the next TikTok workout challenge we will be absolutely furious and that’s the tea, let’s make sure our exes know they made a mistake!

Choo Choo bitches, this train is cutting loose.

Rent

“Hi, this is Rachel from the leases office” may trigger a few people right now but don’t worry, this ain’t a real call, we getting ready to dance. Toddy makes it very clear that if we’re stuck in isolation, it’s gonna be a damn party and well, fuck the rent. Miss Rachel has the nerve to call back about a noise complaint and some barking, honestly though who is the bitch here cos it ain’t our dog (the 2 cats or the ferret). The song plays out as a sassy response to landlords and confirms we have priority payments such as our dancers and slaying the living room runway. Miss Hall is having none of your rudeness and will tell you exactly what to be doing with these complains. We have ourselves a perfect combo of comedic value and catchy lyrics to voice what we’re all thinking right now.

Ya’ll ready for a plot twist at the end?

Tiktok

Time to get super relatable up in this joint cos let’s face it; whether we’re taking on challenges, shooting for 15 minutes of fame or just thirst watching 20 second clips, everyone has dabbled in TikTok. A totally subtle promotion for our favourite app right now, with a catchy chorus has us hooked. Within just a single minute (and 20 seconds) we have a little story of a toddy’s mum jumping on the trend and rising to fame alongside him, how cute right? The family is jealous though (obvi), so now everyone and they pet is on board, embracing the hip hop vibe. A cute little track this one, definitely a bit of playful fun.

Erm, this song is over so like, yeah.

Meow

Here pussy pussy pussy, purr…..yes you’ve guessed it, time for a Tiger King tribute. We’ve all watched it, we know it’s a hot mess and now we have the anthem we need to express our feelings. “I’ve never seen a gay man with a passion for puss” is an immediate lyrical highlight, we know we certainly didn’t expect to binge watch such a thing lemme tell you. From branding that bitch Carole Baskins as semi-iconic to questioning if the husbands are hillbillies or sex Gods, the first verse has us crying with joy. The hook? Relatable as hell cos for real, what the fuck were we even watching? Needless to say the chorus is catchy, but honestly it’s not even the best part as the stunning Rhea Litre then spills the tea on CB and how Saff was mis-gendered on the show. If you’re looking for an iconic lyric, look no further than “Carole is basking under the sun, she got 99 tigers, fed her husband to one” cos honestly what more could you possibly ask for at this point?

The teeth counting at the end is just the cherry on top. We don’t like to pick faves but truly all we can say is Meow, bitch.

Mask, Gloves, Soap, Scrub

Re-writing your already iconic song with a quarantine realness vibe is a fabulous move right off the bat, especially when it’s done this well. With everything from Tiger King references, isolation fashion, social distancing and confusion at the lack of toilet paper – the level of relatable is real gurl. We already loved the OG Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels so this was an easy win, especially since Toddy has managed to make listing cleaning products something we want to sing along with. Not sure “squirt for me, squirt” was ever something we’d expect to scream with the windows open but we’re into it. I mean c’mon, who else can make you want to clean the damn house via upbeat camp anthem – go on, we’ll wait.

As fun as the song is, ya’ll need to be paying attention cos these are some genuine tips right here.
#FebreezeForMe #StayAwayFromMe


Safe to say there isn’t a single moment of the album that doesn’t cause a smile, make you want to dance with a bottle of cleaning spray or do a good old work out – exactly what we needed for lockdown.

Thanks Todrick hun, you’ve served us a tasty queer portion of fabulous to help us get by. Stay safe xo

Go enjoy the album on Spotify or iTunes right away and when you’re done, we fully recommend watching (or re-watching AGAIN if you’re like us) the masterpiece that is Straight Outta Oz .

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